It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
