He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
