Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize