party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
