it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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