I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
