I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You can't motorboat a personality
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
