What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
