When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
