Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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