if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
