So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
