Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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