walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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