But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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