life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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