My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So squirting runs in the family.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize