she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
