it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
