i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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