i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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