I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
