I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
