when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
