the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
