God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
