i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
