and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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