He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
then he tried to convert me to islam
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
