How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
