We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
