Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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