Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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