two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
