So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
