Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
