Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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