he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need water and some morals
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
