i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
