i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
