I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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