do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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