I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
