i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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