I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
