a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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