Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
