The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
