I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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