yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And then he peed in my hair
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