So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
