Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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