I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
