So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize