Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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