Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
