Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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