apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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