Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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