and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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