Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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