i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
