I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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