The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
send nudes
from the living room?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
